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The office coffee is the scourge of humanity

Dear Diary, The office coffee burns a hole in my tongue and in my soul. It reminds me of hope lost in an abyss of abysmal despair, a place where dreams perish, where smiles and laughter are remnants of a past long ago forgotten, where a dark roast sets fire to intestines and burns any…

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They’re playing music in the office

Dear Diary, They’re playing the music. What music doesn’t matter, they’re just playing it. Trapped and exposed in an open office plan, like a wounded antelope on the African plains waiting for a lion to pounce on and kill me, I sit at my desk with my headphones on, desperate to escape. Escape the noise,…

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Ode to a messenger bag

There once was a boy named Travis. He lived a life so lavish. He spent big dollars On things like dog collars, On tech toys, trucks, and crab trawlers. He fell in love with a messenger bag. But, oh how it caused his shoulders to sag. Though it caused him great pain, He still was quite vain,…

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I almost choked to death from the air freshener

Dear Diary, I nearly asphyxiated from bathroom air freshener. Sometimes (always) the smokers from upstairs tromp downstairs for their morning puff, then drag themselves to the downstairs bathroom to address a secondary and more primal bodily urge. To dilute the smokey stench which trails her everywhere, The Smokestress gassed the bathroom with air freshener. So strong was the fragrance it…

Copyright 2015. Courtney Kirchoff.