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They’re playing music in the office

Dear Diary, They’re playing the music. What music doesn’t matter, they’re just playing it. Trapped and exposed in an open office plan, like a wounded antelope on the African plains waiting for a lion to pounce on and kill me, I sit at my desk with my headphones on, desperate to escape. Escape the noise,…

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Ode to a messenger bag

There once was a boy named Travis. He lived a life so lavish. He spent big dollars On things like dog collars, On tech toys, trucks, and crab trawlers. He fell in love with a messenger bag. But, oh how it caused his shoulders to sag. Though it caused him great pain, He still was quite vain,…

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I almost choked to death from the air freshener

Dear Diary, I nearly asphyxiated from bathroom air freshener. Sometimes (always) the smokers from upstairs tromp downstairs for their morning puff, then drag themselves to the downstairs bathroom to address a secondary and more primal bodily urge. To dilute the smokey stench which trails her everywhere, The Smokestress gassed the bathroom with air freshener. So strong was the fragrance it…

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Someone at work threw out my food

Dear Diary, Someone at work threw out my yogurt. I’m not sure why they needed to throw it out, other than to make room for their massive tupperware container which held nothing more than pathetic, wilted leaves of lettuce. Perhaps they have a folic acid deficiency and were mandated by doctor’s orders to clear the tiny fridge and…

Copyright 2015. Courtney Kirchoff.