Ode to a messenger bag

There once was a boy named Travis. He lived a life so lavish. He spent big dollars On things like dog collars, On tech toys, trucks, and crab trawlers. He fell in love with a messenger bag. But, oh how it caused his shoulders to sag. Though it caused him great pain, He still was quite vain,…


The Nice and Casual Observations of Sissy Jenkins

A bouquet of red roses sat on my doorstep. But all my friends know I don’t like roses, and any admirer, secret or otherwise, would have gleaned my hatred for the thorny, petaled plant from just about anywhere, and wouldn’t have left such a display at my door. This left two possible scenarios: The roses were delivered to…


Cleaning carpets and the cults who’d rather you wouldn’t

Legend has it that people who starved during their lifetimes were turned into carpets by The Gods of Bur Bur. Cleaning the carpets and instructing guests not to feed them condemns these souls to a new hell. They have already experienced so much starvation in their mortal lives, why cause suffering in their eternity? It is for…


The proper way to borrow teeth

No one has ever made known the proper way to borrow someone’s teeth. You never know when you’ll have to call on a friend for the use of their choppers, it’s time someone clarify the process. Common courtesy dictates you ask to borrow dentures with a series of notes, at least two but no more…



IN A WORLD filled with mediocrity, incompetence, open office plans, and morons, ONE SUBSTANCE raises the hope of humanity: COFFEE. Strap in for the caffeine thrill ride of your life, as our heroes wage war against corporate crap. WATCH as caffeine, flooding their veins, equips them with the WEAPONS to battle even the most ridiculous…

Copyright 2018. Courtney Kirchoff.