Legend has it that people who starved during their lifetimes were turned into carpets by The Gods of Bur Bur. Cleaning the carpets and instructing guests not to feed them condemns these souls to a new hell. They have already experienced so much starvation in their mortal lives, why cause suffering in their eternity? It is for this reason and this reason alone that followers of the Cult of Bur Bur exist. Why just at work, behind my chair, are remnants of a large spillage sacrifice given to the Starving Souls of the Carpets. People do not “spill” food or beverages, they pay homage. If ever you see someone dropping food or a drink “accidentally” you know you’ve just witnessed a religious ritual, one pulled off so eloquently, you may find yourself sympathizing with them. These individuals are not embarrassed by a blunder, they’re humbled before a cause. So great is the influence of the Cult of Bur Bur, they have indoctrinated others to their ways. For example, followers opt to eat their lunch not in a lunch room or kitchen, but at their desks, so that crumbs and bits of food might fall to the floor, be stepped on and ground into the fibers of the carpet, feeding the souls imbued within. You might find yourself, or in fact closest coworkers, also eating at their desks. This is the first step into the cult. Be aware and tread lightly (especially on carpet with food crumbs).

You’ll find that no matter how often you have your carpets cleaned, food will somehow find its way back. The Followers of the Cult of Bur Bur are dedicated and not easily deterred. They believe that if, during their lifetimes, they give offerings to the carpets, they will be rewarded in their own eternity. It’s unclear what they think they’ll turn into, if anything at all. Some say their heaven consists of falling food. Other say they will be turned into ferrets. The cult members are cagey on the subject, and deny there is even a cult at all. It is one of the most unknown and secretive sects in the cult world.

When you want to clean your carpets, remember the Cult of the Bur Bur. Clean your carpets discreetly, tell no one about it, and above all else, be sure to say a small prayer to those souls trapped within the carpet fibers.