The proper way to borrow teeth

No one has ever made known the proper way to borrow someone’s teeth. You never know when you’ll have to call on a friend for the use of their choppers, it’s time someone clarify the process. Common courtesy dictates you ask to borrow dentures with a series of notes, at least two but no more than four. Three notes is ideal.

  1. Leave the first note on a pillow with a dime, thus currying favor, as money buys happiness. In the note, address the reason for borrowing your friend’s teeth (you have to go shopping, your mom’s in town, it’s time to load the dishwasher) and approximately how long you’ll require them.
  2. Leave the second note on the toilet seat, preferably with a doodle of something pleasant. Like flowers, children on swing sets, cookies fresh from the oven. Remind your friend that, even when they have to poop, you still need to borrow their teeth.
  3. Leave the last note with their boss. Their boss should know why their employee will be without teeth for a period of time. This last note is simple politeness, which is a lost art in many offices. Remember to address the manager with “Sir or Madam” and specify the reason you’re borrowing their employees teeth. “Dear Sir. Need Devon’s teeth next Wednesday for a pie-eating contest. I’m not competing but spectating. Sincerely Your Name

Bear in mind it is rude to just take someone’s teeth without asking, and because they’re such valuable members of the mouth, the teeth possessor likes to be forewarned. Knowledge is power.

Go out, write three notes, and have a nice smile.

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Copyright 2018. Courtney Kirchoff.