I almost choked to death from the air freshener

Dear Diary,

I nearly asphyxiated from bathroom air freshener. Sometimes (always) the smokers from upstairs tromp downstairs for their morning puff, then drag themselves to the downstairs bathroom to address a secondary and more primal bodily urge. To dilute the smokey stench which trails her everywhere, The Smokestress gassed the bathroom with air freshener. So strong was the fragrance it left a taste on my tongue, delivered via overwhelmed and protesting nostrils. It may have also been absorbed directly through the pores of my skin. I fainted twice and when I came to, witnessed three horses cantering on the ceiling. One was purple.

An interesting way to die. Cause of death: air freshener. As I lay on the floor watching the three but-one-of-them-purple horses cantering across the ceiling and leaving behind them trails of musical notes and pictures of sea shells, I  heard my eulogy being read: The air freshener did her in. She always loved irony. When sensation returned to my fingers and strength filled my legs like a drunkard fills a water basin, I opened the door and watched the air (which had either turned polka dots or my vision had been corrupted) blow out of the room, my sanity along with it. I swore then to find The Smokestress, and like a valiant knight, give her a firm talking to about using the upstairs bathroom. The purple horse will be grateful.

By Courtney

Courtney Kirchoff is a published novelist, graphic designer, dog and horse lover, and lots of other (hopefully good) things. She lives in the greater Puget Sound area in Washington State with her lovable shelties, Riley and Margo.