White rug one was purchased at Ikea shortly before moving into my current house. It was on sale and had dusty blue paisleys. I love paisleys, so onto my giant cart it went. Though I thought it would go into the bedroom, I put white rug one in my living room. The lightness of the rug helped offset the darkness of my leather couch. Balance in design.

White rug number two was the love child of baby angels and magic white rabbits. To touch it was to know God. I found it at HomeGoods, where it hung up with all the other rugs, free from anything dirty like the ground. I had it wrapped in plastic and put delicately into the back of the car. You know, to keep it clean. White rug number two went into my bedroom.

If you have dogs, you know dogs are actually rather self-centered, believing everything you do is for them. Think I’m wrong? Do a pushup in your house. Tell me what happens.

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Anyway, rug number two, being high pile and whiter than a newly born lamb baptized in buttermilk, was too soft and inviting for my self-centered dogs to resist. So comfortable was it to touch, they couldn’t help but touch it. Lay upon it. Roll in it. Throw themselves down and flop themselves about like beached humpback whales in distress.

It wasn’t long before white rug two became gray rug ew. Oh, I tried cleaning it. Tried saving it from a lifetime of doggy oils. But couldn’t stand living with something once so angelic, now so icky. It, along with white rug one which no longer looked bright after years of doggy naps, found its way to Goodwill.

Which brings us to white rug three, Big White Berber Baby. After a year or so of a perfectly lovely multicolor rug I picked up at Home Depot (I refuse to spend thousands on rugs for reasons which should be self-explanatory, point one for my “intelligence”), I got a new pillowcase from Pottery Barn. Which didn’t even come close to matching the living room vibe I was going for.

If by now you’re so bored with my woes, I can’t blame you. Like, I’ve spent 600 plus words writing about rugs. What the actual hell. You probably wish you’d just skipped to the conclusion like the smart people.

Wanting to lighten up the living room and make it more industrial farmhouse, I got a light colored Berber rug from World Market. But this time I didn’t look at it in the store. No, no, no. Why look at something so large in person when you can view it as a one-inch swatch on your phone?

After moving the old rug out and putting the new rug in, my living room was indeed lighter. Beachier. I could put different throw pillows on my leather couch and not have clashing designs. Balance. Peace. Ahhhh.

For the unsuspenseful conclusion, please click White Rugs: Where All Dogs Leave Their Very Best.