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Courtney Kirchoff - Page 6 of 25 - {a novelist} Courtney Kirchoff - Page 6 of 25 - {a novelist}
2

Someone at work threw out my food

Dear Diary, Someone at work threw out my yogurt. I’m not sure why they needed to throw it out, other than to make room for their massive tupperware container which held nothing more than pathetic, wilted leaves of lettuce. Perhaps they have a folic acid deficiency and were mandated by doctor’s orders to clear the tiny fridge and…

0

The proper way to borrow teeth

No one has ever made known the proper way to borrow someone’s teeth. You never know when you’ll have to call on a friend for the use of their choppers, it’s time someone clarify the process. Common courtesy dictates you ask to borrow dentures with a series of notes, at least two but no more…

0

COFFEE: THE ADVENTURE

IN A WORLD filled with mediocrity, incompetence, open office plans, and morons, ONE SUBSTANCE raises the hope of humanity: COFFEE. Strap in for the caffeine thrill ride of your life, as our heroes wage war against corporate crap. WATCH as caffeine, flooding their veins, equips them with the WEAPONS to battle even the most ridiculous…

1

Riding on buses with stinky people

If you’re going to take the bus because your ancient car breaks down in a billow of steam and despair, remember the universe isn’t done yet. Ride the bus home and witness fate dealing you a smellier card, squeezed into a leather corset. So it was yesterday afternoon. I boarded the bus, its AC set to Meat Locker, as…

11

My Upstairs Neighbor Stomps

Actually he or she isn’t stomping, but it certainly sounds like it. Start typing “my upstair” into Google and look what you get. Click on any results you get from Google and all upstairs neighbors swear they’re not stomping but walking regularly. The downstairs neighbors will get annoyed any time the upstairs neighbors moves throughout…

3

Dealing with Piracy

Whenever I hear a recently-successful author say of their book’s achievement, “I never in my wildest dreams thought this would happen,” I think one of two things: They’re lying for the sake of humility or Their dreams are rather bland. As someone who relies on their imagination for a living, I think it’s typically door…

condo
4

Castle on the Water

I’m officially ensconced in a waterfront condo nestled in lovely Kitsap County. House-sitting was fine, but I’m glad to be in my palace. It took a few days to transport my remaining belongings from the house to the condo, most of which was done while dealing with a dastardly cold, but moving is finally done….

Copyright 2018. Courtney Kirchoff.