Pirates and Impostors

There were two ways I’d originally opened this blog post, each leading to the stellar conclusion that pirating books is akin to shaving the fuzz off of newborn puppies, and all those who pirate should be taken out back and slapped across the face with outdated magazines. My book was recently pirated and rather than feel flattered that some ne’er-do-well found my novel worthy of his thievery, I just felt peeved. So there it is. Don’t steal books.

Because of the hijacking of my novel, I was sensitive to what else was going on with my book across the internet. Naturally I had to Google myself. It was possibly on Google page twelve or thirteen (my many blog posts make me a decent-sized internet presence) I found an impersonator on Twitter.

ckirchoffThe account’s biography, name, and twitter handle were copied from my own, word for word.

[Since discovering her, I changed my bio to be current, but the one she has now is the one I used to have]

Nowhere in the account holder’s biography does she(?) say the account is “unofficial” or a “parody” of the real account. Like finding out my novel was hacked and stolen, a person on Twitter unabashedly masquerading as me sent me to a new level of ticked.

The real me.
The real me. My real hair.

And so I tweeted The Impostor (as she will hence be known), asking her questions with one theme: Who the EFF are you? Later I did the adult thing and tattletaled on her by contacting Twitter, explaining that this person who’s hair isn’t nearly as pretty as mine was pretending to be me and doing a trashy job of it. Her tweets were disorganized, incoherent, stupid, and possibly written while she was smoking something she’d found that morning under her bed. Twitter replied and said I’d really not given enough information to prove that I was me, and therefore didn’t think The Impostor was impersonating me.

I replied back saying it was gosh darn clear, but no response.

What I wanted was one of those cutsey little blue checkmarks by my Twitter handles, small declarations to the Twitterverse (where I rarely hang) that I was me. Alas, it seems such a symbol is only for the super recognizable, and while I’ve been both pirated and now impersonated, I’m not yet there. I still reside in Nobodydom.

What to do? When I encounter hardships both trivial and tragic I ask myself a question: What would Libby do? As mentioned in the post For The Love of Boats, the fictional character of Libby is based heavily on myself. Because she’s written and isn’t real, I can think of her as a separate person (she is). Nine out out of nine and half times, Libby will use a joke/sarcasm/witty comment to deal with the situation at hand. Humor is how she handles stress, sadness, injury, anger and awkward situations.

If she had an impostor she’d first get angry and then, when there were no other solutions, get funny. She’d joke. She’d laugh. She’d mock, tease, and poke.

And so I told my friends and Jaden fan page on Facebook that I’d picked up an impostor. I asked if anyone who had a Twitter account was feeling “petty and infantile” and wanted to have some fun with my impersonator. Obviously The Impostor was feeling alone, desperate for attention and love. Why not give it to her?

Then I got to thinking about why she chose to impersonate me, of all people. I can think of more noteworthy and accomplished individuals who would serve as better covers. But perhaps the real identity of The Impostor is one of fame. Is it possible that she’s using my relative anonymity to keep her secret identity a secret? Here are my theories on who she might be:

  1. Batman
  2. Deep Throat
  3. The real Slim Shady
  4. Obama’s Teleprompter Operator

If she is anyone from the above list, or someone else entirely, then it makes sense that she needs to impersonate me. Why else pretend to be a little-known author dwelling in the Pacific Northwest? Why else tweet silly phrases like:


Sometimes I can’t help but reply directly to the nonsense and hypocrisy: confusion

And here Keith @pixelcodes jumps in for some fun:



warcrimes shoes

Do you do the Twitter? Since I mentioned The Impostor is impersonating me, she’s gone from 40ish followers to over 100. Yes, I do feel responsible for some of the new love she’s getting. For the record, I have two accounts on Twitter: @truenorthe (my main account) and @ckirchoff (one being impersonated). I try to use the hashtag #theImpostor when addressing The Impostor, but not always. If you feel like having some fun with Not Me, go say hello to @ckirchoffx (yeah, all she did was add an “x” after my name. Real imaginative, that one), use the hashtag #theImpostor and mention one of my accounts in the tweet, so we can all play along. Keep it fun!