Someone at work threw out my yogurt. I’m not sure why they needed to throw it out, other than to make room for their massive tupperware container which held nothing more than pathetic, wilted leaves of lettuce. Perhaps they have a folic acid deficiency and were mandated by doctor’s orders to clear the tiny fridge and damn the consequences. It was well under its expiration date, and it was goat milk yogurt—it cost me 1/4 of my hourly wage, and 150 times that in my tears. It haunts me to think what the yogurt must have thought as it was being tossed, way before its time, alone in a trashcan to curdle and sour. Did it mourn me? Did it feel abandoned? Did it cry out “WHY ME?” Worse still, perhaps it wasn’t thrown out, but devoured by a gluttonous fiend, too cheap to purchase their own at-work nourishment. I shudder at the thought, and if I think about it too long, my chest seizes with anxiety and fear. I have learned my lesson the hard, brutal way. Never trust people with leaves in tupperware. Never. Yogurt cannot survive it.
Maybe it was mandatory clean out day? We have that every so often. Anything left in the fridge after a certain time is automatically tossed so the fridge can be cleaned.
What kind of sensible logic is that? Everyone knows, according to the HR manual, a minimum 24 hour notice must be given in the event the corporate refrigerator needs cleaned so personal food items can be taken to one’s personal cooler or lunchbox for the day.
I think there is a much better explanation. According to Ockham’s sledgehammer, “When you have eliminated the most probable scenario, you hit people with as many probabilities as possible until one is adopted as truth.”
My best theory is the ceramic garden frog. Not the bland colored male frogs, but the brightly colored female frogs. That is how you can tell the difference. Besides, only the female frogs eat that kind of yogurt. You can’t change biology.
Of course, only ceramic things can come to life at night. “Toy Story” was a LIE, and South Park is real! Obviously, the ol’ night watchman let the frog in. Looking for a treat to give the night time pet, the yogurt was given after being pointed out by the frog’s sticky tongue. Duh.
Cute goats; are those the fainting kind in the picture?