Like everyone who lives in this century, I get spammed. More than you know. I even had to switch mail clients because Mac Mail kept not filtering the spam. Thanks, Tim Cook. Please, keep focusing on your electric car and the Apple Watch. I’ll just be over here not using your software.

Today an email from a supposed mortgage company got through my spam filter, probably because it had a number in the signature which was not from India or the Czech Republic. Rather than right-clicking it and sending it back to the digital landfill from whence it came, I decided to reply. Think of it as an exercise in creativity combined with a sense of I’m feeling witty today.

From Ms. Spammela:

Email Subject: Are you receiving my emails?

Hello courtney,

I hope I am reaching your correct email at For some reason, the phone number
I have on file for you seems to be incorrect.

I’m reaching out to see if we could set up a quick call to discuss some fixed refinance options
for your current mortgage.

The Federal Reserve will be raising rates this coming fall, and right now is a great time to
review your options for lowering your interest rate and fixing it into something long term.

Please let me know the best day, time, and phone number for a call, or you can call me direct,
at (404) 800-3866. I look forward to speaking with you.

Jennifer Thompson
Senior Consultant
Gateway Mortgage Quote
Office:(404) 800-3866

And my response:

Hi Jennifer,
Thanks for not capitalizing my first name. I hate it when people show my name basic respect.

The reason you can’t reach me by phone is because I communicate exclusively through smoke signals. So try that next time. Also, I rent, so me no have no stinking mortgage. An old adage about barking up trees comes to mind. Go Google the phrase to familiarize yourself.

Regards the Fed raising rates, what else is new? This morning I made two pots of coffee to celebrate that it’s Tuesday. Also, true story, my floor is covered with sand.

Hugs and Kisses,

Jennifer hasn’t responded yet, but I’m eagerly awaiting what she has to say about my rental rate. And about how she celebrated Tuesday and what’s on her floors.